Therapist Unlimited Blog

In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it’s most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for her questioning.

When Patty came into the office, she was instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor. “Patty, you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go. Do you understand all that you have been told?” said the doctor with a rather sly grin. Patty nodded, and the doctor began to question her.

The first question was this: “Patty, if I was to poke out one of your eyes, what would happen?” “I would be half blind of course,” Patty answered without much thought. “What would happen if I poked out the other eye?” “I would be completely blind,” said Patty knowing that she had just gotten her freedom. The doctor then sent her outside while he drew up the paperwork and accessed Mike’s files.

When Patty got into the waiting room however, she told Mike what the questions would be and what the correct answers were. The doctor calls in Mike and he followed the same procedure that he had with Patty. “Mike, the first question is what would happen if I cut off your ear?” “I would be blind in one eye,” he said remembering what he had been told.

This received a perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the other question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking. “Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?” “I would be completely blind,” he answered with a smile as if he knew he had passed.

But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly, “Me hat would fall down over me eyes.”

**Source: http://www.ahajokes.com/p020.html

(Yahoo! News) Who says Viagra is merely just for the use of men? According to a recent study, Viagra has proven effective at combating sexual dysfunction in depressed women. As we all know, sexual dysfunction is a pretty common side effect of antidepressants and it is a major reason why people are encouraged to stop taking medication for their depression.

Women are prescribed antidepressants more than men are and this turns out to be problematic for woman. If women already has the sexual dysfunction problem after taking in some antidepressants, they could not take in medications that are approved for males because some of them are not really designed for the use of women.

Researchers tested Viagra on a number of women whose depression is currently on remission and are still having sexual dysfunction which manifests in symptoms like lack of arousal or pain during sex. 73 percent of the women experienced a change in their sex life. Some of them experienced headaches, flushing and indigestion but none of those women withdrew themselves from the study because of the side effects. In short, the side effects were merely nothing.

A noted sex therapist realizes that people often lie about the frequency of their encounters, so he devises a test to tell for certain how often someone has sex.

To prove his theory, he fills up an auditorium with people, and goes down the line, asking each person to smile. Using the size of the person’s smile, the therapist is able to guess accurately until he comes to the last man in line, who is grinning from ear to ear.

“Twice a day,” the therapist guesses, but is surprised when the man says no. “Once a day, then?” Again the answer is no. “Twice a week?” “No.” “Twice a month?” “No.” The man finally says yes when the doctor gets to “once a year”.

The therapist is angry that his theory isn’t working, and asks the man, “What the heck are you so happy about?”

The man answers, “Tonight’s the night!”

*Source: http://www.jokesandhumor.com/jokes/210.html

Music is something that has been around with us for thousands of years. A simple hum is music to the ears of ancient people. It adds a significant meaning to the rituals that the early tribes do. But then, no one clearly knows why we really love music or what their real function is.

There were a bunch of researchers already done regarding music. Most of the researchers found that music somehow increases the activity in the right temproal lobe’s auditory areas. The brain structures that are stimulated are often those that has something to do with food, sex and drugs. Music stirs up emotions.

To simply put it, music inspires and makes us feel good. There are many types or genres of music that speaks to different types of people with different personalities. This is one concrete evidence or should I say, reason, why we really love music - because it makes us feel good.

(LiveScience) - I found a surprising fact lying around the Internet which somehow speaks up to me. This weekend I was bar-hopping with my buddies and I was hoping to get a little hammered. Getting drunk once in a while isn’t bad at all. After all, I’m not the one in charge of the wheels.

Anyway, I found the study pretty amazing. It had something that connected bars with alcohol. What is it? Music. The research showed that music can hype up someone who is actually gulping on alcohol. Researchers said that there may be something about the music that stimulates those who are drinking. Moreover, loud music can speed them up. This depends on the cultural setting of course. But then, if someone who loves rock goes to a performance of a live rock band in a bar, of course, he would be enjoying it and drink more right? Just like what we did last weekend.

I haven’t even noticed that I had much more of what I usually drink alone. I could say that this study made a lot of sense. To simply put it, those who visit bars and do not want to get that hammered, they should be more aware of the loud music and moderate their drinking. For some reason, music has magic.

Written by: Eric Bryant - Gnosis Arts

Our Cultural (American) Myths of Romantic Love

One thing of which I’ve been particularly sensitive lately is the utter poverty of our American (Western?) myths and ideals on love relationships. As Americans, we are inundated - through movies, advertising, music and literature - that all that matters in a successful relationship is “love.”

For example, take the “Romantic Comedy.” Two people, usually incompatible in virtually every way, meet under less than auspicious circumstances; they fall madly in love through a series of slapstick conflicts, and then somehow magically live happily ever after. There’s no talk of financial matters, family matters; no discussion of how their relationship will serve society; etc. It’s all about “love”, romance, infatuation, sex. Every conflict and incompatibility is experienced and resolved (usually through sex) in the course of two hours.

I think that such a (mythic) picture of relationship is actually harmful to our relationship success in the real world. We grow up with this idea that any storm can be weathered, and difficulty overcome, if we simply “love each other.” We scoff at individuals who say they married “for money,” or because “he has a good job,” or because “she’s my ‘Sugar Momma,’” etc. Subtly, subliminally, almost imperceptibly, we are brainwashed into believing that marriage based on such considerations is base, vile, immoral.

Toward A “Philosophical Perspective” on Relationships

I recently received hexagram #7, THE ARMY, in connection to a question about my dating - and potentially marrying - an older woman. The line of text that rang a bell in my spirit states,

A more philosophical point of view [on relationships] can do wonders at this time, whereas a focus on the more eccentric aspects of your relationships can lead you astray.

Non-Western Views on Marriage and Relationships

I began thinking about how non-Western cultures treat the institutions of marriage and relationships. In particular, I thought of Asian-Pacific Rim, Middle Eastern, African and Indian cultures. In many of these cultures, arranged marriages are the norm, and have been for centuries. The families’ primary consideration is not “love” in our Americanized, romanticized sense of the term. Rather, the primary considerations are economical, familial and communal.

The families involved are more concerned with the economic viability of the relationship, the benefit the relationship will bring to the families involved, and the larger purpose the relationship will have in terms of serving the community at large.

After these questions are well considered, only then do the subjects of romantic love and compatibilty factor in. And in many cases, romantic love does not factor into the decision at all.

How This All Relates to Hexagram #7

As I weigh the pros and cons of my personal relationship, in the light of Eastern concepts of love and marriage, I get the following:

Pros
*Barbara (my girlfriend) is financially established; she has a house and is willing to let me live with her. Currently, I rent; co-owning a house provides me with assets I would not otherwise have, thus benefitting me (at least if the real estate market in this region ever improves!) in the long run.

*She also runs a business from her home; I also have a business. We both have corporations. Therefore, financially speaking, a marriage offers hefty tax benefits for the both of us.

*The house is large enough for both of us to run our businesses out of. I currently do not have the space in my apartment to really take my business to the next level; she does.

*She is excellent at client management and business development; these are not my strongest points. Thus, she can help me with these vital aspects of building my business.

*I excel in the technical, entrepreneurial and more strategic aspects of running a business. These are not her strong points. Thus, I can help her business, which in turn helps me. A mutally beneficial business relationship - as well as love relationship - is definitely a real possibility.

*A marriage between us would mean that I would assume half her assets (namely, the equity of the house). This is a huge benefit. In turn, she would receive half my assets, which right now primarily include job and insurance assets.

*Spiritually-speaking, we both have a larger vision of creating charitable foundations to benefit the disadvantaged; and both of us desire to adopt a child at some point in the future - this also benefits society.

*Barbara, being significantly older, has wisdom I don’t yet have. There is much I learn from her on almost a daily basis about important matters such as work, business, finance, balance, family obligation, etc.

*Barbara’s health will likely start to deteriorate long before mine; I will still (hopefully) be young enough and strong enough to take good care of her, physically and financially, as she ages

*In short, our combined assets and income are huge pros to our relationship

Cons
*I worry that Barbara, being 20 years older, will be less attractive to me as the years go by. She worries about this, too.

*I worry that, because of her age, I won’t be able to handle taking care of her as her health deteriorates. (Of course, this is based on a projection that her health will start to deteriorate when I’m around 50, in the golden years of my work life, when I’m approaching retirement and want a traveling partner).

*As the relationship is not only age-differentiated, but racially-mixed, I worry that family and friends will disapprove.

Concluding Remarks: On Relationships

As you can see, all the “cons” are based on speculation, projection, worry, fear. By contrast, all the “pros” are based on fact, rational consideration, financial and societal feasibility.

Tina Turner wrote, “What’s love got to do with it?” Surely this hit song flies in the face of our cherished, Americanized views of love, sex, relationship and marriage. But it was a hit song nonetheless, and it contains a counterintuitive, if liberating truth - a truth that I’ve been realizing, gradually, of late : Love, in itself, will not make for a successful, happy relationship.

Ray Charles perhaps said it best:

“I got a woman, way over town, that’s good to me. Oh yea! She gives me money, when I’m in need! Oh, she’s a kind friend, a friend indeed! I got a woman, way over town, that’s good to me. Oh yeah!”
–Ray Charles, from I Got A Woman

Now, I realize that my statements may offend your moral sensibilities. I understand that some of some of you are “moral idealists.” But I am not. I am a philosophical practitioner, a businessman, a computer programmer. In other words, I seek the truth as it is, not as I would like it to be. Albert Camus once remarked that “truth, while crushing, liberates.”

Consider these relationship facts:

The divorce rate in America is among the highest in the world (around 52%). The majority of American marriages end in divorce. I’m certain that most of these couples who divorced participated in a wedding ceremony in which they stated their undying love for one another. Almost all these couples would say they married because they “loved one another.”

QED: The Beatles were wrong: love, by itself, is not all we need.

Surveys report that couples from arranged marriages, by contrast, have a very low divorce rate. While we can always say that this has more to do with religious or social factors, such a claim is not conclusive and does not change the fact that these couples stay together.

Additionally, some studies report that couples from arranged marriages have greater marital satisfaction rates than couples from chosen marriages. Anecdotal evidence seems to suggest that this may be because the couple from an arranged marriage grows to love one another, gradually over time; that the commitment to maintain the partnership precedes the (romantic) love that generated the partnership. Moreover, the quality of love that develops in arranged marriages over time is often richer, more stable, less affected by emotional swings and less impacted by financial or health hardships.

QED: Mary J. Blige’s statement was incorrect: Love isn’t all we need.

What I am coming to believe is that we’d all stand a better chance of having a happy, successful, long-lasting marriage, if we just take the “romantic love” variable out of the equation when choosing a mate. Unfortunately, the odds are against you if you believe that love, by itself, will sustain a marriage; and, as my momma always says: Numbers don’t lie.

But we Americans, like chronic smokers, who believe that “it won’t happen to me” as they watch a close friend die of lung cancer; say the same thing with respect to divorce: “It won’t happen to me; we’re meant to be; we love each other; we’ll be together forever.” Of course, we say this as we watch, time and again, the majority of couples around us splitting up left and right. Clearly, our belief that “love will keep us together” seems to be little more than wishful thinking.