A Dilemma

“I’m Anthony.” These were the first words you said to us. Simple as your words were, it didn’t affect me even just a bit, though your presence was as intimidating as your witty deduction of my friends’ characteristics. Because your appearance became stronger than before, my friends expressed their admiration with their jaw open. I, on the other hand, remained still and composed. I had to admit that I was stunned to know that your thinking ability was similar to mine, but that didn’t bother me; if there were another person who could take great actions even at the most complicated times, I didn’t care.

Nevertheless, there was something about you that intrigued me. Certainly, it wasn’t your impressive intellect. It was something else.

Moments later, you gained the trust of my friends. I was happy, though deep down, there was something that stopped my mind from being silent. It was your eyes that kept me from thinking, and when I looked at it, I suddenly found myself in the world of nothingness. It was as though your vacant expression brought me into this world, where I couldn’t even find questions to ask myself. It was just your eyes…. and this empty world that you’re showing me.

The moon shone brightly, and it was at this moment when I realized that I was drawn to your silence. You’re nothing but a person of mystery, Anthony, yet it struck me like a pistol. I never knew how, but my realization showed me that I was happy to be in this vacant world…. as long as it was you who showed it. And little by little, this empty place has turned into something meaningful. Could I be more drawn to your silent and mysterious persona?

I already knew the answer…. but it wasn’t something that I wanted to accept.

No. Not for someone like me, who has tragically lost the person most dear to me.

We never really had interaction Anthony, except those simple glances. It was short, yet it gave me a strong feeling that our emotions were the same. We’re both drawn to each other, like our worlds mirror one another. We should be really close, you know, but we couldn’t accept the simplicity of the situation…. that we held each other dearly. No, not for someone like you, who never experienced what risk felt like.

So I guess we could never be with each other, no matter how much we wish we could be together. Even though our feelings pull us like a strong magnet, we tried to push it away…. because you couldn’t afford to experience pain…. because I couldn’t afford to lose again.