I had the chance to read up a couple of real life situations about people and while reading about one of the stories in one of my favorite sites, I came to realize that I have encountered people who really lack empathy. Those people are the ones that I truly hate. Oftentimes I would think that they are very eccentric and only cares about themselves.

From the point of view of the people who got really hurt, the feeling of rejection is something that I do not even want to remember anymore. But then, after reading the story, I started to understand what the problem really is. But first, let me tell my side of the story.

I had a girlfriend back when I was in high school. We went steady for 8 long years. But then, I had to work. I was away most of the time because the nature of my job demanded most of my time. We only get to talk more during the weekends. After some time, she ended up cheating on me just when we already have plans of getting married. After a couple of months, I thought I was alright but I was wrong. Due to some strange twist of fate, I got in contact of this guy taht she cheated me with. Amazingly, I thought I was fine. But there was something that he said that made my inner self tick. I hated it. Here are his exact words:

“I just took her feelings into consideration. She loved me.”

Now that struck me like lightning and made me want to give him a barrage of heymakers that would make him literally unrecognizable and even Big John McCarthy could not stop me. It was good that I have maintained a decent friendly relationship with my former girlfriend because if we ended up bad, I might find myself locked up inside a cold prison cell because of homicide.

Having said that, I realized how self-centered he is. If I was in his position, I would never say such a thing. What was he thinking?

I knew right there and then that I needed some counseling. My mind was pretty messed up that time. I felt really good when my therapist told me that she understood how I felt. It was actually nice to know that someone understood me well. To be honest, it felt good.

It was then that I realized that I was faking all the time. I faked that I understood my girlfriend for what she did to me. I got mad but only for a while because I badly wanted her back. I faked when I said I understood her but I never really did.

Right now, I can clearly say that I am suffering from empathy deficiency disorder. After all this time, it was me all along. I’m working on resolving this problem and I am hoping that one day, I would come to understand things more. But I now that when I learn to emphatize, I would end up feeling hurt like what others feel. Maybe, I would truly understand why she left and empathize. It’s quite hard but then that is the answer that I have to find.

Well, this story happened a couple of months ago. And guess what, I finally learned to understand. More importantly, I learned how to forgive. And top it off, I got her back. It’s a win-win situation.

According to a new research, asthma is significantly linked to suicidal thoughts and attempts. But then when mental health conditions and smoking comes into play, this theory is somehow weakened.

There were a number of studies that have shown an increase in the rates of suicidal thoughts and attempts among people who have asthma and other respiratory ailments. However, there is still no concrete evidence why this is happening.

During the investigation of researchers on an analysis of data that was gathered from 5692 individuals, there were an overall rate of 8.7 percent who had suicidal ideas without actual attempts at some point in their lives and there were 4.2 percent of them who had the idea but somewhat attempted to take their own lives. There were many factors that correlated with the suicidal thoughts. These factors include younger age, being female, current smoking, dependence in nicotine, major depression and alcohol abuse.

Asthma was associated with suicidal ideation with suicide attempts according to researchers. However, the strength of the link went down with the adjustment for smoking, nicotine dependence, age, sex and race. But then, we could not count out the possibility of depression, panic disorder and alcohol intoxication.

However, as they concluded, there is still a major link between asthma and suicidal tendencies with attempts involved. But, more research needs to be conducted to make the link stronger. As an additional finding, if we could just modify the use of cigarettes and make use of effective treatment of depression, anxiety, alcohol abuse and asthma are important in preventing suicide.

Written by: Lisa Kift

People who suffer with the distressing symptoms of anxiety often experience rumination, or recurrent worry and thought spinning. This can greatly impact sleep and daily living. The negative cyclical thinking tends to have a spiraling effect - where the person ends up at the worst possible scenario - “Something bad will happen to me,” or “She’s going to leave me…,” etc. There is often absolutely no evidence to support the beliefs yet the emotional reactivity they stir up makes them feel very real to the person thinking them!
If you feel invaded by fear based thinking, here are some steps you can take to get the thoughts out of your head right now:

1) Anchor your awareness in the present by taking slow deep breaths, keeping focused on your breathing. Do so for several minutes.
2) Notice your feelings and label them. Think of the “big four,” mad, sad, glad and afraid.
3) Acknowledge the feelings rather than try to push them away as you continue to breathe deeply.
4) Give yourself a break. Imagine how you might be with a friend who was struggling in the same way you are. Would you be compassionate? Empathetic? Be the same way with yourself.
5) Breathe slowly for another minute or so as you refocus your attention to the day.

These steps will provide the framework for a good start in decreasing thought spinning. There are a lot of other great tools that can be learned to use on your own. In my work with people struggling with anxiety, a combination of family of origin exploration and cognitive behavioral therapy has been highly effective in diminishing the effects of many types of anxiety.

Lisa Brookes Kift is an Individual and Relationship Therapist in San Diego who helps people resolve their individual issues and have more satisfying relationships. See more of her mental health and relationship articles, tips, tools and advice at http://www.lisakifttherapy.com.

Just recently, I stumbled upon a pretty funny and disturbing news. There was this Canadian guy who filed a lawsuit after he found two dead flies in an unopened bottle of drinking water. His reason? He said that after that unpleasant sight, he already suffered psychological damage which includes depression, phobia, anxiety and said that it has inflicted damage to his sex life.

Waddah Mustapha filed the bottling company but Canada’s Supreme Court dismissed the case.

On my own futile opinion, I think that the sight may have triggered something in the past that made him suffer psychological problems. It could be an unpleasant experience somewhere in the past. I guess he should see a psychiatrist to discuss this matter because it may not be just at this time that he would experience this problem. There are a lot of flies in the world and of course, he could still see a lot of dead ones once in a while. The sooner he gets medical attention, the better.

None of us has unlimited time. Professionals or executives often find themselves in a pressure-cooker environment as they manage people, make costly decisions or determine directions of their organizations - on top of their obligations to family and friends. How they manage their time is critical to how they will be able to manage their stress – and more and more admit that stress is impacting their jobs, emotional life, relationships and ultimately their health.

The first step in managing stress is to become more aware of all of the things that trigger it. Keep a stress journal documenting all of your stressors for one week. Don’t forget to include the less obvious stressors like commuting or family arguments. This way you at least have a starting point to do some self examination of your stress – and then figure out how you’re going to cope. Obviously, some stressors will not change and must be accepted - but others might benefit from being adjusted to lessen their impact.

Time management and effective delegation are two of the leading ways to combat unusually stressed professionals in higher level positions. In addition, learning tools to counteract the body’s “fight or flight” response associated with the unhealthy type of stress should be implemented.

Lisa Brookes Kift is an Individual and Relationship Therapist in San Diego who helps people resolve their individual issues and have more satisfying relationships. Learn about Lisa’s practice or read more of her mental health and relationship articles, tips and tools at http://www.lisakifttherapy.com.

Just when I thought the western style of living is only affecting the United States, China has proven me wrong. The food and the style of living of the westerners has clearly made a mark in the Chinese population (especially the children). China’s “little emperors” are literally growing bigger. One in five children are overweight and seven percent are obese.

According to observers and researchers, only the United States have higher numbers. They are blaming the fact that children spend time eating more food and ice cream but are lacking the necessary exercise routines to burn off the calories. Also, there is the fact that when poor people eventually make their way to becoming rich, they tend to eat and consume more food than they usually have. This is a natural phenomenon that is pretty hard to overcome.

One way to fight obesity among the Chinese children is to make them work some household chores. Get them to move. Obese and overweight kids most likely do not fix their own bed in the morning.

If this goes on, obesity will become a major problem in China.

I was watching the news awhile ago and there was this portion that talked about kids and drugs. There are teens who are actually in rehabilitation facilities right now because of drug addiction. But, this time, it is not marijuana or cocaine, this time its prescription drugs.

When they were interviewed, the problem showed. When depressed and troubled, they tend to look into taking in medication to stop whatever it is that they are undergoing. The misconception happens when they think that the medicine that they take is safer than illegal drugs simply because it is prescription drugs and can be bought over the counter. They have an easy access on these drugs because it is already in the comfort of their homes. They just have to open their medicine cabinet and everything is there. No need for a dealer, no need for a courier. Another thing is, they do not think that they are breaking the law because these are prescribed medications.

Teens are taking addiction to a whole new level and this could grow worse if parents and adults do not take it seriously. If you notice that your kid is having problems, or even notice that the pills are diminishing really fast, bring them to rehab immediately before it is too late. Overdose can kill anyone. To prevent this from happening, try to be on the lookout for mood swings and other signs that might show you that your child is having problems. If so, talk to them immediately or seek professional help.

As what most people know, the main risk of obesity is linked with physical health problems. However, there is a new study that links obesity to a higher rate or risk of having psychiatric disorders.

Using the data from a health survey of around 40,000 Americans, researchers found that obese adults were more at risk of disorders such as depression, anxiety and other mental disorders as compared to those who are at their normal weight. In addition, even those who are slightly overweight are at a risk too.

Some people eat too much when they are undergoing stress or problems. If this is the case, then eating will become a condition reinforcer. This just means that if a person turns to food in response to problems or anxiety, then even minor stress can spur overeating and thus will make them more vulnerable to obesity and the cycle will continue.

In this case, people must then be mindful of their weight. I myself noticed that when I gained a couple of pounds a few years back, I easily get depressed every time I see a very fit person.

Acceptance is the very important step in therapy. Realizing that there is indeed a problem is very important for the treatment of a patient. A person who could not accept that there is something wrong will never realize that there is a problem at hand that needed to be solved and has to be given proper attention.

I remember the time when a good friend of mine took around 6 months before accepting that there is something wrong with him right after his wife died. I noticed that there is something wrong when he acts as if his wife was still around. Everything was really weird. He didn’t notice it but it was highly noticeable. Everyone was worried sick. He said it was just a regular act of remorse but for me, it was more. There was something wrong with his mind and unless he gets help, he might lose sanity in a jiffy.

I had a hard time convincing him that something was wrong but good thing I did. We went to a therapist and sure enough there was something wrong. He was suffering from post traumatic depression that could lead to more serious cases if he was left untreated. Now, he feels better and is living the life that he should be - raising his kids alone and having time for himself.

You see, acceptance is something that is very hard to accomplish especially if you do not want to look at the problem. It hurts but it is a vital step in the treatment of therapists.

My friend just gone through a really hard divorce. After 15 years of marriage, it all ended just like that. It all started when his wife started seeing another man and got to a point that he saw them sleeping together right at the comfort of their home. It was an accident because his business trip got moved to another day and he had to go home earlier. He was suppose to surprise his wife but he never thought that he will be the one to be surprised.

Their son was devastated. He didn’t speak for a couple of days since the incident happened. It was time that he brought him to a psychiatrist. During their session, he noticed that the boy was scribbling something on paper. That was his way of channeling his emotions. He drew lines and shapes. He colored them with very dark colors.

It was an interpretation of how destroyed the child’s emotions was. Until this time, they are still seeking the help of the psychiatrist but there have been drastic improvements since then. Colors became more lively.