Therapist Unlimited Blog

Contrary to what most people think, old age offers happiness to people around the world.
Researchers speaking at an international psychology conference said there was evidence that people get happier as they age, and that older people are better at controlling their emotions and avoiding things that make them unhappy.
However, the research team clarified this does not include people with dementia or who are trapped in situations of high stress that they cannot escape from, such as care giving.
Dr. Laura Carstensen, a psychology professor at Stanford University in Palo Alto, California, USA, and founding director of the Stanford Center on Longevity, explained life expectancy changed because people changed the way they lived.
Carstensen added now that we’re here, we have to keep adapting, we are in the middle of a second revolution and it’s up to us to make adulthood itself longer and healthier.
She revealed Carstensen said by 2050 there will be twice as many people over the age of 65 in the world as there are today.

Generally older people are happy than sad.

And the segment of the population that is growing faster than any other, is the over 85s.
Susan Turk Charles, from the Department of Psychology and Social Behavior at the University of California, Irvine, in a separate presentation, talked about several studies on aging and mental health that she had reviewed.
Excluding people with dementia and related diseases, the evidence supports the idea that, on the whole, mental health improves with age.
Charles referred to a study that followed three groups of people at different life stages for 23 years and found emotional happiness increased as they got older.
She said research also shows that older adults are better at controlling their emotions than younger adults, and this helps them avoid negative situations, or at least limit the emotional damage they can cause. One study she reviewed asked younger and older adults to report what they were thinking and feeling just after hearing personal criticisms by other people.
The results showed that the younger adults tended to dwell far more on the comments and demanding information about their origins than the older adults whose reports were less negative overall.
Charles said that work by Carstensen and others suggests older people are increasingly aware that life is finite and the time they have left is shrinking.
She added they want to make the best of it so they avoid engaging in situations that will make them unhappy.
She said they have also had more time to learn and understand the intentions of others which help them to avoid these stressful situations.

You have your decorations ready and your foods are done. All of your relatives are there and your own family is excited to have spend Christmas Eve with everyone. Your gifts will be opened later and Christmas carols will be sung after.

This is the ideal scenario during Christmas - a happy bonding with your family. It happens to most of us and we are quite fortunate for that. But what about those unfortunate ones? The people who have never had this ideal Christmas?

Remember that Christmas is about sharing and giving. While you savor the goodness of the season, why not share it to more people?  They will not only appreciate and enjoy it, but it will reward you with a deep sense of happiness, where you know to yourself that you have shared a blessing and have shown unconditional love.

On the other hand, your Christmas won’t be complete if you have unsettled business and unresolved conflicts. While the spirit of the season doesn’t necessarily require you to forgive the people whom you share conflicts with, make the essence of Christmas the way for you understand and accept the situation and learn to let go of those anger. Christmas is also about forgiving.

Since Prozac has been a significant matter in depression, and since it has been mentioned in my previous write-up, I think this is the perfect time to discuss how these small capsules can affect one’s depressed condition big time.

Prozac (as what was mentioned on my previous blog) is a serotonin neurotransmitter under the drug group called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors or SSRI. It is an anti-depressant used to complement psychotherapy of those who are detected to have clinical depression.

It has been introduced by Eli Lilly a global pharmaceutical company back in the 80’s. Since it reduces depressing factors in the body (like drugs that can affect one’s depressing mood), it produces serotonin to make someone feel better. For people who are already accustomed to this, their sleeping and eating patterns start to get regular. On the other hand, as effective as these drugs are, there are side effects that can be experienced through the period of medication. Headache, fever, diarrhea, nausea, sweating, seizures, and heartburn are some of its side effects.

On the other hand, prozac has strict rules. Just because it gives happy moods to the depressed patient doesn’t mean that you, a non-clinically depressed person, can use it. Prozac is forbidden to those who have liver disease, and of course, to those who are allergic to it. Pregnant women should also be careful of it because of the possibility that it may affect the child inside the womb.

It is in the nature of human beings to feel sad in different times. Loss, break-up, nostalgia, failure, among other things are the reasons for sadness. But, if it lingers in you for a long time, then, it is no longer considered normal. And worse, it may something that you should be worried of – for it might be a psychological disorder that we can just call “depression.”

Clearly, “depression” is something people wrongly use in several conversations. It’s a psychological state where a person experiences deep sadness or has very low self-esteem. There are times when people have no idea that they are already manifesting signs of depression, thinking that it is normal to feel such way. But, as I said, it is a psychological disorder and needs to be healed, before it gets worse.

But before you get anxious with your psychological condition, you need to know the signs of depression first before jumping into conclusion that you might be clinically depressed….

1. Low self-esteem. One of the strongest factor of having depression is lack of self-worth and low self-esteem. You think that you are a failure and a worthless individual who cannot do anything good.

2. Abnormal eating and sleeping patterns. You got such a good sleep last week but now, you are having trouble to have one. Irregular sleeping habit can imply that you are having some disturbances deep inside you which causes you to lose sleep or have a smooth one. Same thing applies to irregular eating patterns, where it can become an outlet for a strong emotion or the loss of appetite can indicate that something deeply affects it.

3. Lack of concentration. Difficulty in focusing on something can suggest an emotional disturbance.

4. Suicidal tendencies. A very dangerous factor than can cause the life of the depressed. Because of extreme feeling of worthlessness, guilt, or anxiety, the person thinks that the only way to escape pain is death.

There are also biological factor in acquiring depression like an insufficient amount of serotonin, or the “happy hormone,” in the body. On the other hand, once these factors are all present in your situation, then it’s best to treat it right away, with psychotherapy and a professional helping you out.

There’s terrorism, there’s scarcity, there’s war, there’s inequality, there’s abuse, and there are millions of things that can make you depressed. But hey, life is still beautiful and there are things that can bring smile in your face. Yeah, in fact it can make you really happy.

To brighten up your day, here are some things that will remind you that it’s happy to live.

The beauty of nature. The wonderful scene of sunrise, the breath-taking sight of sunset, the scent of green grass, the coolness of the breeze, the touch of the sand, and the current of the sea….. these are some of the best things about nature. If you’re going to pause for a while and take a look at them, you’ll appreciate it more.

Good times with your buddies. These are the days when jokes and laughter are your language, when you drink, eat, play, and party harder. Then you exchange some stories and take pictures together. The bonds that you share reminds you that it’s not everyday that something bad happens to you.

Good work. Achieving your goals uplifts your self-esteem. It boosts your confidence after accomplishing a hard task. It is a way of telling you that despite the difficulties, there are good things that will happen in the end.

These things may bee too shallow for some. However, if you get to appreciate small things such as these, then happiness can be achieved easily.

It’s always been rewarding to see the person you love happy from appreciating what you’re doing for him/her. It can be doing him/her a favor or giving gifts. And speaking of which, it can be more pleasant once the gift is presented in a surprising way. He/she will love it more because he/she is not expecting anything from you.

People who do this always leave their loved one teary-eyed because of the thought of giving them something in a special way.

Since it’s surprise that we are talking about, there are lots of techniques on how to do it:

When there is an occasion, especially if it’s birthday, pretend that you don’t have anything special to do, that it will be like an ordinary get-together with your friends and family.

Pull a crazy and silly stunt then give your gift after revealing your little acts (or if he/she notices that what your stuff is just an act). This is a very effective one, since your loved one’s mindset is focused on the stunt your pulling. It can be a practical joke, a “scary tactic,” a fight within your group, etc. Then when you notice that he/she is overwhelmed with the situation, reveal your true purpose of your act. No matter how upset, scared, or worried your loved one might be, he/she will certainly appreciate it.

One of the best way to show your loved one how much he/she means to you is to give him/her a gift in an ordinary day. When it is anniversary, birthday, or Christmas, your special one might be expecting a gift, thus it lessens the essence of surprise. On the other hand, when you give something without any occasion, then he/she will feel very happy on that. Remember gifts are way of saying I love you or thank you to that person, so make sure that you are giving something that expresses it. And with a dab of surprise, he/she will surely feel more joyful.

“I’m Anthony.” These were the first words you said to us. Simple as your words were, it didn’t affect me even just a bit, though your presence was as intimidating as your witty deduction of my friends’ characteristics. Because your appearance became stronger than before, my friends expressed their admiration with their jaw open. I, on the other hand, remained still and composed. I had to admit that I was stunned to know that your thinking ability was similar to mine, but that didn’t bother me; if there were another person who could take great actions even at the most complicated times, I didn’t care.

Nevertheless, there was something about you that intrigued me. Certainly, it wasn’t your impressive intellect. It was something else.

Moments later, you gained the trust of my friends. I was happy, though deep down, there was something that stopped my mind from being silent. It was your eyes that kept me from thinking, and when I looked at it, I suddenly found myself in the world of nothingness. It was as though your vacant expression brought me into this world, where I couldn’t even find questions to ask myself. It was just your eyes…. and this empty world that you’re showing me.

The moon shone brightly, and it was at this moment when I realized that I was drawn to your silence. You’re nothing but a person of mystery, Anthony, yet it struck me like a pistol. I never knew how, but my realization showed me that I was happy to be in this vacant world…. as long as it was you who showed it. And little by little, this empty place has turned into something meaningful. Could I be more drawn to your silent and mysterious persona?

I already knew the answer…. but it wasn’t something that I wanted to accept.

No. Not for someone like me, who has tragically lost the person most dear to me.

We never really had interaction Anthony, except those simple glances. It was short, yet it gave me a strong feeling that our emotions were the same. We’re both drawn to each other, like our worlds mirror one another. We should be really close, you know, but we couldn’t accept the simplicity of the situation…. that we held each other dearly. No, not for someone like you, who never experienced what risk felt like.

So I guess we could never be with each other, no matter how much we wish we could be together. Even though our feelings pull us like a strong magnet, we tried to push it away…. because you couldn’t afford to experience pain…. because I couldn’t afford to lose again.

How can I possibly smile when the person I valued the most left me? It was not like a break-up where I could still get back my girl from a sincere and passionate persuasion. This was loss – something that would not allow me to gain something as its exchange.

I saw my beloved sister died right before my eyes. I saw how a careless drunk driver took her breath and soullessly left her like she was just a damn cat. It was tragic, but she managed to smile as her last memory. I never understood it, and from then on, I never knew what happiness meant. I never even remember the last time I did that gesture on my face. My sister was everything to me. And now that she’s gone, I didn’t know how to move on….

It has been five years and every month, I visited her, with that memory that appeared like a nightmare to me. No matter how much I hated it, I knew I had to live, even when the only thing that I had was solitude. Nothing could bring her back from the grave; even the life of the damned man who took her away wouldn’t be able to do that. At the back of my mind, I knew accepting her death would be the answer for this. On the other hand, it seemed that for someone like me, who hasn’t stopped grieving, would find it the most difficult to do.

Being the kindest person I’ve ever known, my sister never wanted me to visit her with a pathetic look in my face. I knew it was the last thing she wanted to have. So, I, with only a small amount of hope left, struggled to smile before her grave. Besides, loss was quite different from throwing something away. And I was certain that I haven’t thrown her memories. With this, I would have a reason to do that cheerful gesture that I used to forget…. I guess that would be my start.

They say that acceptance would be the hardest thing for someone who has lost the most important thing in his life. It took me five years to cope with the death of my sister, finding acceptance as the toughest challenge in my life. And as I take another time to visit her grave, I finally manage to smile, finally understanding what her smile meant.