As the concept of depression becomes the object of my interest, I get further with other ideas revolving around this psychological matter with more researches and questions. And one of those things that trigger my attention is this personality disorder related with clinical depression…..

Depressive Personality Disorder, just what its name implies, is a disorder that suggests certain characteristics to be depressive or that it implies a personality with a strong negative sense of self. In order to understand what it’s about, here are some things that you should know about this matter:

1. Cheerlessness and unhappiness. Mood is being affected by this disorder. The sense of negativity is reflected from the inside, showing manifestations like an expression of sadness in the face and vacant expressions.

2. Aloofness. A person with this disorder has a low self-esteem. Because of this, it stops him/her from socializing with people with the fear of rejection or wrong judgments.

3. Paranoia. Ironically, a patient is very quick in making judgment or having suspicions with people around him. He/She becomes defensive and sometimes too argumentative even to small things.

There are more things to discover about depressive personality disorder. On the other hand, the things mentioned above are some of the most important, showing its manifestations that you might have.

It is in the nature of human beings to feel sad in different times. Loss, break-up, nostalgia, failure, among other things are the reasons for sadness. But, if it lingers in you for a long time, then, it is no longer considered normal. And worse, it may something that you should be worried of – for it might be a psychological disorder that we can just call “depression.”

Clearly, “depression” is something people wrongly use in several conversations. It’s a psychological state where a person experiences deep sadness or has very low self-esteem. There are times when people have no idea that they are already manifesting signs of depression, thinking that it is normal to feel such way. But, as I said, it is a psychological disorder and needs to be healed, before it gets worse.

But before you get anxious with your psychological condition, you need to know the signs of depression first before jumping into conclusion that you might be clinically depressed….

1. Low self-esteem. One of the strongest factor of having depression is lack of self-worth and low self-esteem. You think that you are a failure and a worthless individual who cannot do anything good.

2. Abnormal eating and sleeping patterns. You got such a good sleep last week but now, you are having trouble to have one. Irregular sleeping habit can imply that you are having some disturbances deep inside you which causes you to lose sleep or have a smooth one. Same thing applies to irregular eating patterns, where it can become an outlet for a strong emotion or the loss of appetite can indicate that something deeply affects it.

3. Lack of concentration. Difficulty in focusing on something can suggest an emotional disturbance.

4. Suicidal tendencies. A very dangerous factor than can cause the life of the depressed. Because of extreme feeling of worthlessness, guilt, or anxiety, the person thinks that the only way to escape pain is death.

There are also biological factor in acquiring depression like an insufficient amount of serotonin, or the “happy hormone,” in the body. On the other hand, once these factors are all present in your situation, then it’s best to treat it right away, with psychotherapy and a professional helping you out.

Don’t wear a long face especially when the world is celebrating and cheering. Besides, sadness makes you feel old. But if you are still grimacing about something, then I guess I cannot really blame you. I have been there for many times and it’s really hard to fight it especially when it affects you very much. In fact, I have come up with some ideas on how to fight against it. It’s very effective, if you ask it. On the other hand, if you are feeling sad, you can write down these ideas to give you points on how to bring back a grin in your face even though you are sad.

1. Wallow. Cry, mop around, be bitter for some time. Releasing that emotion is really helpful to minimize the weight of your sadness. Rather than keeping it inside yourself, you just release it until you are able to do things that you want.

2. Do something that cheers you up. When you are tired of moping around, then you can begin enjoying your time. Whether it’s  stuffing yourself with sundae, reading a good book, looking at a breath-taking scenery, or watching a movie, enjoy your moment to the fullest. With this, you will be able to breathe freely and smile.

3. Take a walk. Walking is not just a form of exercise. It can really help you ease your pain. In fact, a study has shown that people with depression can deal with their problems more easily from taking a walk for at least 10 minutes.

Remember that it’s only natural to feel sad about something. But if you are going to be blue for a long time, then it’s not going to be healthy anymore. That is why I am sharing my techniques to you, to make you feel better when sadness strikes you.

I hugged my knees as I my tears streamed down my face. My small room turned into a space as large as oblivion, and everything around me appeared vacant and still. It was a problem that tortured me. At that moment, I didn’t know what to do, except to hug my knees and and cry.

Being as introvert as I always am, this is the first and the last thing I do when something painful happens to me. I know this burden can be lifted once I shared it to someone, but it is something that I refuse to do. I never know how to deal with it, except to keep it with myself.

On the other hand, I survived such moments thanks to my friends. Their companion is enough to keep me going. Their simple way of affection means that they are here, a sign of friendship that I value most.

There were those days when my friends pat me on my back when they I couldn’t make put my head up. And there were squeezes in my hand to remind me that despite my introvert personality, despite my silence, they could feel my sadness, and that would be their way to show me how much they care.

I once read from a magazine that touch is a form of therapy. And the affection I received from my friends is a fact that supports this statement. I don’t know if I someday, I could directly tell them what i really feel, or find a way to cope with something that hurts me. But, as long as I have their affection, I don’t think I’ll be down and mope for a long time. As I said, their companionship, especially their affection is enough to keep me going.

This is a blog for people who are hiding in the shadows, depriving themselves from this “silver lining” and scared from the inner-monsters that kept them extremely down. The words written here might be speaking your feeling…. because my existence used to be a phantom. However, my words are not meant to bury your flesh deeper, but to share the changes I already started.

I understand why I denied myself a psychological therapy even when I knew I really needed one. People had a way of jumping into conclusions in the most foolish way, thinking that you’ve gone mad or have become a complete psychopath once once you start seeing a shrink. I, being one of these idiots, thought of the same way. I also had this burden of believing that my situation was shameful, so I kept on concealing it myself even if I knew it would hurt me more. Thus, I deprived myself for getting a help from a professional, making my depression even worse.

As I expected, things have become worse. I didn’t know how to stand up, because my self-worth has stopped me from doing so. I guess this was the result of being abused by the person who used to be the dearest for you. Believing in every word he said was only natural, especially when you valued him in the most overwhelming way. It was a wonderful feeling at first, but little by little it became poignant. But because I valued him with every inch of my flesh, I remained silent just to keep him, even though it hurt me – sexually, physically, emotionally. And so, here I was, a person who no longer had a self-worth.

But something happened. On that day, my mother found out about this burden. I had a self-journal as the only medium to somehow ease this pain and she had read about everything. I guess it was more painful for her, knowing her daughter, the girl she had hopes for, was crashed by a guy who didn’t seem to have a soul. She was open-minded, unlike us who thought that psychological therapy only belonged for the psychopaths. Understanding my needs, she encouraged me to undergo a therapy with a professional. And it was then…. it was then when I finally gathered my courage to face my inner-demons that had been haunting me for a long time.

It wasn’t easy at first. Opening yourself to a stranger, even if she’s a psychiatrist was difficult. But I knew I had to speak, otherwise, everything would turn pointless. As I went on with my story, my doctor realized that I had chronic depression, meaning I have been clinically depressed for a years. She then gave me several assignments aimed for the betterment of my condition and prescribed me a medicine called Zoloft, an anti-depressant.

I am still undergoing to this therapy. I would be a complete fool if I said that I am healed. This sadness, lack of self-worth, low self-esteem, and a feeling of solitude are still here. Nevertheless, there are changes. Thinking that it’s not shameful to undergo a psychological therapy is one. That it is alright to feel this way. And that changes can still be done, even in the people felt hopeless and lost.